Embarrassing, not boring

It's easy to feel embarrassed. Just listen to the record of your old performance. Then your mind will be in real panic.

"I can't believe I played this way in public. They knew this piece so well and I messed up these important chords. They will never respect me."

But if you're being honest, try to remember your feelings before that moment. I bet you didn't remember your mission just before listening. You were thinking "what will other people think of me?" Other people who don't have a clue of what you're doing, other people with a different agenda from yourself, other people who never put themselves on the line.

And of course our inner dragons are lurking there in the deepest corners of the mind simply waiting when we are the most vulnerable.

And that's OK. We are vulnerable. We make mistakes. That's a part of human condition.

On a good day I too try to make as many mistakes as possible (never quite enough though) which would feel embarrassing in the service of my mission. Because if we don't feel embarrassed, it means we are making nothing but boring stuff, stuff which will never change people.

It turns out then, being embarrassed is a good thing. Being boring - not so much. Because boring is invisible.

Organ Improvisation in Db